Tuesday, April 24, 2007

You can cry

For many people, remarriage is one of the most healing and redemptive transitions they will ever make in their life. The pain of the past or a sense of failure is healed by a loving spouse. The ache of loss of a relationship or loss of a hoped relationship is soothed by someone who cares. Yes, remarriage cna be so good.

And yet, there are those times, for seemingly no reason, the sadness returns, the ache reappears, the emptiness opens up once more.

"Why?" you ask yourself. All around is the evidence of redemption - spouse, children, home etc. And yet, there is that something from the past that will not let you alone today.

Nothing in your day says, "Cry!" So you don't feel like there is cause for it - no permission to release the tears. You bag it up, pack it in and trudge forward. You are determined not to let the past ever affect the present or future again.

But the past won't leave you alone and feel guilty for feeling sad. "What would my spouse say?"

Your sadness becomes a secret, your guilt a toxin.

Please, give yourself a break and cry it out. It's not that you're looking back toward past and longing for it just because you still have an emotional connection to it. Nor is it betrayal. Let it all out.

You are a human adn we don't just live life in the present. You are everything you've experienced. We don't pass from one stage of life to the next. In stead, we accumulate life stages as we go. That past is part of who you are and if it wants to grieve a little, you better let yourself do it.

Your spirit, your body and your mind are trying to tell you something.

Cry. Heal. Hope

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