Saturday, July 26, 2008

The Waiting Game

If you are in a stepfamily or are in the planning stages of forming a stepfamily, then you are going to do some waiting. Oh yes, there is much waiting that must be done in stepfamilies. If you learn how to wait well, then you will increase your odds of successful stepfamily formation.

You will wait for your stepchildren to appreciate you.

You will for your children to appreciate their new stepparent.

You will wait for issues with your new spouse's former spouse to be worked out.

You will wait for that "normal" feeling.

You will wait for consistent child support.

You will wait for swaps for parenting time.

You will wait for peace.

You will wait for logistics to get worked out.

You will wait for logistics to get (re)worked out.

With all of this waiting it might be hard to imagine just when things are going to get good. Well, there is no magic answer as goodness is defined differently for everyone and timing also varies between people. But here is a little advice while waiting.

1. Ask yourself what you are supposed to be learning while waiting for whatever it is you are waiting for.

2. Assess the impact of how you do waiting on the members of your stepfamily.

3. List out who you are blaming for your having to wait and then figure out a better way to understand their position.

4. Find meaning in the waiting. The world is ripe with meaning in all things at all times. Don't let the meaning of waiting get lost in the frustration of waiting.

5. Activate your creativity while waiting. That means you should make the most of it. Make it beneficial that you had to wait.

Good luck in waiting.


David said...

Great post, Fajita! Thanks for the insight.


Emily Bouchard said...

There is wisdom in waiting. And when you do wait, most often than not, you get what you deserve. Thanks for the great post.

oneluvoneworld said...

We are waiting for a custody evaluation to get finished.

Anonymous said...

The thing I'm waiting for the most is peace in my home. The ongoing strife comes from all of the things that Fajita listed. Waiting for peace takes a lot of prayer and continually asking God to show me areas where I need to change. I keep a reminder list of the Fruits of the Spirit on my bathroom mirror, which also helps a lot. I have read all of Ron's excellent books and applied his principles to our home and my marriage. My pastor husband and I have made it through 3 years with his four uncooperative boys and their mother (who is usually the catalyst for the strife) and we have committed to each other that we are NEVER going to give up. However, there are times when I feel that peace isn't going to occur in our blended family until the youngest of my four stepsons turns 18 in five years and moves out on his own or goes to college.