Monday, January 22, 2007


We've talked a lot this month about the challenges of stepfamily life from different perspectives. Everyone has his or her own view of hte life of a stepfamily and vary different experiences as well.

With all of htis variety within one stepfamily, it could be said that there is not one stepfamily, there is one stepfamily for every person and relationship involved. Think about it. You are not merely a man or a woman; you may also be a parent, a stepparent, a spouse, a legal negotiator, breadwinner (whether your kids are with you or not), time management expert, peace-maker (who doesn't make as much peace as you deserve), an "ex" perhaps, and a lot of other things. Each relationship you have requires different demands from you. Balancing these complex and sometimes impossible relationships, however, is essential

How? How does one balance on this tightrope while rotten fruit is being tossed at you?

First of all, balance is the discipline of self-control. That sounds really trite until you compare it to what most people do. Most people would rather control everything but themselves. Control relationships, control work issues, control the weather, control everything that has an influence on their lives - except themselves.
The surest way to stress, pain, and perhpas even insanity is controlling everything else in your life. Seek first to control yourself, your responses to whatever happens in your life. Thi sis not to say avoid trying to influence situations, but rather it is to say do not stake your measure of success or peace on the world doing what you want it to do. You'll fail always.
Self-control is a discipline that challenges the mind, the emotions, and the body. Self-control is difficult, but generous. When you find balance through self-control, peace shows up and greets you with gifts.
Do not waste time waiting for the world to relent; instead, accept yourself in the context you occupy. Start there. Then try to influence the world. Conqueroring yourself is more important then conquering the world.

1 comment:

christi said...

That came just at the right time. This is my first visit to this site. I am the "new wife" the "Step mom" and thank God my step daughter is only 4 and loves me to death. Her and i have had a great relationship since day one Her father and i married when she had just turned 3. She'll be 5 in may. Everything is great...excpet for his ex-wife. Mom is threatened by my relationship iwht Daniela (daughter) and does everything she can to make me out to be a bad person. Poor Dani is caught in the middle. It's hard to find advice out there about dealing with this particular situation. Your blog helped me