Stepfamilies: Bringing Sexy Back 2.0

How often do you have conversations with your spouse about sex?

I guess I need to qualify that. "Hey baby, let's jump in the sack," doesn't count. I mean a conversation about sex. Most people never talk about sex. Did you know that? They have sex at varying frequencies, but rarely discuss it in a mutual and non-demanding way.

And yet sex is one of the most important topics a couple can talk about. If the sex is not working for both of you, and the one it is not working for never says anything in conversation, I will bet you my next paycheck (which is nothing to brag about) that person is saying something about it non verbally. That person is avoiding it, being conveniently tired or busy, setting emotional booby-traps, and so on. Or, that person is so demanding that it is not really a conversation about sex and more resembles a desperate used car salesperson trying to make a quota - being shady or making ridiculous bargains.

I really want to encourage you to talk about sex. Yes, it's difficult because the topic is so charged, but that is why I recommended the book, Sheet Music, which several of you have taken me up on. It is a light-hearted, but very practical tool to assist couples in having meaningful conversations about sex. You won't regret it.

Ain't No Way To Fight

Holiday pressures can bottle up, intensify, and explode. When marital stress accumulates, it can be tempting to take it out on each other. Dont do it.

Conflict resolution skills are not just a nice thing learned at seminars and specialized classes at church, they are to be utilized when things heat up.

In all likelihood, you already know everything you need to do to reduce and resovle conflict. So, put it into play if the marital stress mounts.

By way of reminder, listen first. Your spouse's gripe likely has merit - at least to him or her. No matter what he or she says, you have something to learn from that conversation.

Make your case calmly without blame. Now, don't wimp out by giving in for the sake of peace. Without blame means do not accuse, do not use an accusing tone of voice, do not blame with your nonverbals. There are tons of ways to communicate blame. Get rid of all of them.

If you can't find resolve in one sitting, then revisit the conflict at an agreed upon time.