In the movie, Stepmom, we see Julia Roberts experience so much of the trauma stepmothers go through as they try to enter into the new family, intergate into the new family, as the try to BLEND. She didn't know the routines, was sabotaged on every front by her stepchildren, and felt completely incompetent as the female adult in the home.Then mom stops by to pick up the kids only to notice the wreck and suddenly the children are cherubs, the mess is all the stepmom's fault, and mom says smugly, "I'll take it from here."
For stepmothers, it seems that all the good they do is diminished while any minor mistake she makes is magnified as if she were an evil harpy. Let's face it, stepmoms are often in a tough position. What's a stepmother to do?
First, stepmothers must be farmers at early spring, not late fall. Think of your family as a constant tilling and planting operation. Harvest will not come for a good long while. Yes, this calls for patience, but patience has never been a bad idea.
Second, stepmothers must affirm their own victories because no one else is going to. Although that might be overstated for some, for others it isn't. A stepmother must be confident that the good she did was actually good, even if she gets no immediate credit for her actions.
Finally, stepmothers must be consistent. When a stepmother is consistently good, she slowly wears away the objections that stepchildren hold against her. She must remove these objections through her actions. Eventually, she will usually succeed. Worst case, she has been good.
Stepmoms, you've got a noble work ahead of you. Hats off to you.
5 comments:
randy's girl,
Thanks for the input. You are correct that the movie was a tad bit rosey in places. It's Hollywood, what can I tell you?
You sound like you ave made some trrific growth in accepting the realities of your situation. Acceptance is key!
dwatson, wow! What restraint. Your honor for your stepchildren's mother is remarkable, and will be well worth it.
Mom24 from "Stepville,"
Excellent words. My favorite part about what you said was that allow feelings to be expressed. The mere fact that there is emotional space for that kind of openness in your family says a lot.
There is often the temptation to take negative emotions felt by someone else and personalize them and interpret them as blame and accusation. It appears you have found a way to bypass that initial assumption. That saves you much grief. Nice work.
Laia said that small steps ia what it is all about. Wise words for anyone.
Yes, the movie cannot cover all of the varieties offered in divorce and remarriage situtations. It does a good job on a few.
I would contend that no deserves resentment. I know I am not actually touching life in "the real world" when I say that, but one wrong does not deserve another. It feels like it does, but it doesn't.
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